Mama Don’t Love. May 1, 2012

Image found here: http://bit.ly/IlISdZ

 

 

Let’s be real about all this self-confidence stuff.

 

Forget the fact that this post lacks any special quotes from professionals and experts.

 

Life is rough, it’s hard, it’s challenging and will never fail to keep you on your toes.  It’s also full of amazing amazing experiences.

 

People go through a lot during their time here.  We all have a story.

 

This includes our parents, this includes our mothers.

 

Our mothers were once teenagers, young professionals, brides to be.

 

They went through shit.

 

And some of that shit might’ve been abuse, might’ve been harassment, might’ve been something really shitty.

 

Something so bad, she became broken.

 

Then she had you.

 

But she didn’t love herself.

 

Sometimes, mothers are able to heal.  Sometimes, they don’t.  And if you happen to have a mother who hasn’t had the opportunity to heal, perhaps because she was caught up in trying to avoid the same brokenness from happening to her daughter, she might’ve forgotten one thing.

 

If your mother doesn’t love herself, can she really, really love her daughter?  Yes, to the best of her abilities.  Can she give her daughter the tools she needs to be strong?  I don’t know.

 

I’m not trying to criticize mothers.  Last thing I’m doing.  They are hustlers, and like I said, they are people (but like, superhero people).  The life of a mother is one heck of a journey.

 

When mom is broken, it is more difficult for daughter to be whole.  Daughter may not have been able to develop her confidence.  She may not have been given the tools she needed.  But all is not lost.  And don’t blame mom either, she tried and loved you in a way she only knew how.

 

So you have to be strong, and blaming mom isn’t being strong.  Look at yourself.  KNOW all the good things you have to offer.  You may not know what you’re strengths are in the workplace yet, you may not know what subject you love in school yet, but that doesn’t matter.  Focus on developing yourself as a PERSON.  Your skills and strengths don’t make you a person.

 

Focus on good.  And love your mother.  Because all she’s been trying to do is to keep you from being broken.

 

The Lack Of. April 15, 2012

Photo found here: http://bit.ly/HF88dA

 

Self-Respect, ladies.

 

Yup.  I’m going there, and goodness help me.

 

The lack of self-respect is damaging to your entire being.  And I’m not being sarcastic.

 

It is also a very visible deficiency.

 

Whether you want it to show or not, people around you, those who know you or do not are going to be able to smell it miles away.

 

Some will run the other way, some will take advantage.  Others will try to help, some will wonder how.

 

How do I know? Well, without getting too personal.  I’ve been there.

 

It hurts me, when I see anyone, but especially a young female who does not respect herself, her body, her mind, her soul, her everything.

 

It hurts me for various reasons, two of which I will outline, however:

 

1. The more obvious is that she reminds me of me
2. I am both encouraged and concerned with the state and future of women

 

The lack of self-respect does many things.  It makes you desperate at times when you need to be strong.  It results in very poor decision making and could end up putting you in life-changing situations.  It will make you unhappy with yourself.  It will cause you to hang onto things that will only perpetuate your feelings of emptiness.

 

I just want to reach out, to the young girls, the young women.  I just want to say:

You don’t have to go there.  You don’t have to do that.  You are perfect. 

And I cannot begin to outline the significance and level of urgency that is associated with loving yourself.

 

You won’t find the right partner when you’re in the wrong state of mind.  You will also not find the right friends.  I urge you to step away from your current circle and re-evaluate.

 

Do it.  And do it now.

SAVE THE CHILDREN FROM…us… March 28, 2012

 

Children are important.

 

Children are our future.

 

Therefore, the world in which our children live and their influences and the kind of people they are being groomed to be when they are ready to take over the world, is essentially a reflection of who we are.

 

So here’s an idea: to safeguard our future, to build a better world, let’s NOT fuck up our children.

 

So no more:

• Stifling their gifted creativity with our adult-boring ways
• Hindering their free spirit and innate inability to judge people in a negative way
• Give them reason to not love and trust everyone around them
• Reducing their playing and laughing time
• Not loving them

 

Okay? Thanks.

Seriously? This is what I’m supposed to look forward to? March 26, 2012

 

When I decide that perhaps being in a relationship won’t be the end of my life…

 

I have articles such as this one discussing Don Draper from Mad Men (I don’t watch the show so my knowledge of this character is limited so I speak to what I hear and read about him) being some sort of symbol and benchmark for being a man; to look forward to?

 

So I’m supposed to look forward to a cheating man, a selectively loyal man, but most importantly, a well-dressed man…? Because we all know, if you dress well, nothing else matters. (insert eye roll here) This is supposed to be exciting for me? Really? Also, what about the men who do not condone such behaviour? Are they less for a man? Are they more of a man? (In my opinion: YES)

 

It’s no wonder why I feel like the nature of (most) men has been on a steady decline.  It’s true when they say: the good ones are taken and the bad ones are being tolerated.  Why? Because there are more women in the world than there are men and for many, the idea of loneliness is more scary than being with some shithead…for some reason…

 

Don’t get me wrong, women are at fault here, but that’s for another post.  But I have to wonder, the men who don’t fit into this ridiculous mold, how do they feel? Is it because we have characters like Don Draper, the reason why I feel like the quality of men has been declining? Are there more men trying to fit the mold than there are who are strong enough to set themselves apart? Jeff Perera discusses the hurdles and decisions men have to face everyday regarding their nature.  He goes into all of the Chris Brown ridiculousness and sheds an interesting light on Tupac.

 

Here is a fantastic post written by Jeff Perera discussing the very issue.

 

I’m pretty sure I’ve written more questions than I have answers in this post.  Perhaps you can speak to this? Would love to read your thoughts!

What does it take? March 8, 2012

…to be good with yourself?

 

We are so critical and seek such high levels of perfection that we forget that the standards we are trying to hold ourselves up to are not even real.

 

There have been campaigns, there have been initiatives, there have been industries created to address body image and self love, and everyday, I bet you, there is one person on your facebook and/or twitter feed mentioning something about being proud of the fact that you are a woman.

 

But it is simply.not.enough.

 

What does it take for us to value ourselves? What will it take for us to finally look in the mirror and say “you know what? I look pretty fantastic, I feel pretty fantastic.” And not just on the days where you get dolled up, on the days where you’re in your sweatpants or about to go run some errands or about to walk into a meeting with a room full of big shot and know you got it.

 

What will it take for women to stop being so low on themselves?

You know what our self-esteem issues do to us?

We end up in relationships that are toxic and just straight up not good for us because we’re afraid to be “alone”

We end up putting ourselves on damaging diets only to lose those few pounds

We end up injuring ourselves at the gym because we’re working our bodies too hard

We end up putting up with abuse that we simply don’t deserve

We bring down other women because we’re jealous of them and hate ourselves

We claw and fight each other for a man

We doubt ourselves

We attract negativity

 

We put ourselves through a vicious cycle only because we feel like we’re simply.not.good.enough.

 

So I ask you: what will it take for you to look in the mirror, on any given day, and be damn fucking proud of who you are, the beauty you posses, and the amazing things you can offer the world?